Part 67 Answers, more questions


On the following days I visit the experts to try to get answers to my questions. I check in with my general practitioner Dr. Mu- to keep him in the loop with my adventures and ask him if he thinks my proposed procedure next week is safe in light of the adverse reaction before. His statement that there are always risks with anesthesia does not comfort me. He is most concerned with my maintaining proper nutrition in light of my significant weight loss. I value his opinion and have established a trust of him over the years, and he is the most stable medical reference point for me considering all that has happened and in light of all the different medical personnel that have crossed my path this year.

I return to Dr. Ni-’s office, where I already have a follow up meeting scheduled to review my status. She is highly qualified, having been educated at a trio of Ivy League schools, so I should be able to get some answers here. The leisurely click click click of her heels approaching on the tile floor is less of a sexy sound to me now; it has become more foreboding. Will she surprise me with news that I need more radiation? Fortunately, she does not prescribe this. It is her opinion that radiation did not cause the stricture, since treatment was very precisely directed at my neck only – the stricture is in my mid chest area. However, I noticed during treatment that not only my neck but much of my face was sunburned following the sessions, so apparently the rays diffused despite efforts to localize them to my neck. It is no surprise to me that she would remove blame from radiation, though, since it is her treatment specialty. In Dr. Ni-’s mind the Demerol was clearly the villain in this piece, since I had already received a different anesthesia on a previous procedure with no adverse effects (and it was closer in time to when I received my radiation, when my body could have been weaker).

Among doctor visits I go for another OT/PT combo. The physical therapy session is abbreviated since my blood pressure has crashed to a low 96 over 51 level (a second reading later is no better, at 94 over 51). I have been seriously run down lately, and this confirms why. Nana, the occupational therapist, remarks that fatigue is a common response to a stroke/TIA. She makes my fingers curl again when she stimulates my wrist with the machine. I am soon able to touch my thumb and forefinger together, which elates me.

Next it is another conference with my rehab Dr. Ki-, whose sincerely kind manner is of itself therapeutic. He is very pleased with my rapid physical improvement. He does caution me about driving, though, until both my hand dexterity and peripheral vision improve. He also agrees that my malfunctioning peg tube is an obstacle that requires replacing.

I have some answers and feel somewhat comforted. However, I still have a pending procedure which fills me with apprehension. I talk to an assistant at Dr. Ra-’s office, who tells me that my next procedure will take place in the hospital, monitored in its entirety by an anesthesiologist. The sedative of choice under those procedures is usually Propofol. I explain to her, as I will to anyone hereafter who will listen, that under no circumstances are they to allow Demerol to get within a five mile radius of me. I call an anesthesiologist who had previously given me a sedative and had her confirm that in her opinion the Propofol administered during my next monitored procedure will be safe.

I feel a little better now about having another procedure. Dr. Mu-’s cautionary remarks, though, linger in my mind. And I still feel that my weight is too low and I have not yet regained much of my former strength.

In the past I always blindly trusted the medical profession to hold me in good hands. I did not question treatment recommendations, medications, anything. I was a cooperative patient who followed orders. All it takes is one bad experience, though, and you will question everything. If someone brings me a bottle of water now I will probably want to know what spring it was drawn from.