art 43 Simple surgeries and ice packs


I am back at the surgery center to have the port removed. It is early on a clear morning. I actually don’t mind this procedure, which should be uneventful. The staff is friendly and competent, and the facility itself is small, so there is a “folksiness” atmosphere that relaxes me that even the doctors’ technical jargon can’t dispel. I am there and back home in just a few hours. Riding home with my wife driving, I suggest we stop to shop for clothes at Old Navy, but she wisely refuses. I am still in a groggy, drug induced state and will barely remember later making such a request.

I work the rest of the week, tired often and self conscious again about my thinning hair, but plugging along nonetheless. I am forced to face my pressures and discomfort rather than running from them, which I guess must build character at least. Besides, someone has to pick up the tab – I can’t abandon work. At home I fix a special Cinco de Mayo meal for my family one night, dance with my children to keep myself alive and nurture their artistic leanings. I watch a bizarre but interesting rarely seen British film called “Privilege”, about media exploitation of a rock star to manipulate the public. Becah and I begin a marathon of Columbo episodes (featuring one of my favorite TV personalities) which maintains my attention and helps distract me from my ailments. I visit Dr. Mc- , who presents me with a clean scope report. I cry tears of happiness. But that night at home I experience a sharp and lingering pain and swelling in my groin, and I’m almost in tears of pain this time. We call “nurse” CC over to watch the kids in case I must be taken to the emergency room. She suggests placing an ice pack on the site, raising my feet on pillows, which we immediately try. Thankfully, the pain quickly leaves.

I am searching for some closure here that I cannot find. I feel that I have done my time and am ready for parole. Like Michael in the Godfather III, who exclaimed, “I try to get out and they keep pulling me back in!”