Part 139 The dreaded j-tube


I wake at 3:00 a.m., vomiting. Quickly I hit the stop button and disconnect the cord from the feeding pump that has been distracting me all night. I am able to walk unassisted successfully to the bathroom, then return to bed, reconnecting the cord and flipping on the pump to resume feeding before I go back asleep.

Because the j-tube is attached directly to my intestine, food must be very slowly pumped in. I set the speed of intake, and if that speed is too fast, I can plan on getting sick. That means no quick feedings like I got from the g-tube, which led straight into my stomach. That also means hooking myself to the machine and running it all night. Of course, the liquid bags eventually run out, setting off a beeping noise that wakes me and everyone else up. I can augment a little food when I come home for lunch, but not enough to really meet my needs in such a short time.

This has become a miserable routine. The j-tube is this horrible appendage, constantly malfunctioning and a nagging obstacle to my improvement. The site surrounding the tube is perpetually raw and sore. I constantly rub in ointment, hoping for some healing. No matter how I tighten or twist the tube, it leaks. I am forced to often wrap a small towel around it. If I attempt to exercise, it leaks. I walk about too cautiously, for fear of springing a leak. But some mornings I am simply sleeping, still, prone in bed, and it still leaks.

I regret having initiated any of this. I had a tube in my stomach and couldn’t eat orally. But at least I could get quick nourishment, was regaining my weight and strength, had a barely detectable appendage, and it didn’t leak. I could go about my day with some semblance of normality. Not anymore. There is nothing normal about any of this.

The radiolologists, the only persons deemed skilled enough to install the j-tubes, admitted that I would experience some leaking. But they never said constant leaking. I worry that what little nourishment I am getting is trickling away. How much longer before I am whisked back to the hospital at hooked back up to IVs?