Part 94 Wonderland


My entire world can’t be built around food. I will read more books. I finish “King Arthur and His Knights of the Round Table” and learn about bravery in the face of dragons and other dangers. I read a book that I vaguely remember from college – “Winesburg Ohio”, a fascinating study of alienation in a small town. This reminds me of how alienated I currently am from everyone else. Thich Nhat Hanh’s “Miracle of Mindfulness” calls me to focus on the present moment and not live in the past or ruminate about the future.

I also listen to music. Driving in my car through the icy days I listen to Yes’ “Magnification” CD, a great record that I somehow overlooked when it came out several years ago. I reach back further with a solo album by Yes bassist Chris Squire, and find that, along with most music in Yes’ repertoire, I am emotionally and spiritually elevated.

On a Friday night I accompany my oldest daughter Breanna to a father-daughter dance at a suburban country club. The theme is “Alice and Wonderland”, and we watch a parade of characters stroll by, including, of course, Alice, along with the Mad Hatter, the Red Queen, and a very tall flower (a man walking on stilts). I go to the party with mixed feelings. After all, a building filled with screaming little girls, lots of food I cannot eat, and no beer to drink to ease the situation…But it is an opportunity to get closer to my daughter and be a “present” dad. Besides, the theme represents my absolute favorite book. And to top it off, there is not a DJ but a live band! And they are good! Most of the time Bree is off running around, or on the dance floor with a group of friends. But I actually get her to almost dance with me on a special father-daughter number. Suddenly we realize she has lost her pearl necklace. (Every Christmas my mother gives each of my daughters pearls to add to a chain, so this necklace is special to Bree). She panics and sobs serious tears. We run around, checking the dance floor, the front desk, everywhere. We get the lead singer of the band to make an announcement. We try to make the best of this, while I worry that someone will go home with a special prize tonight. But the Mad Hatter announces that he found the necklace, and Alice herself clasps it around Breanna’s neck. I wonder if there is some symbolism to all this, but am unable to decipher it if there is.

Bree informs me the following evening that the night is her favorite time because it allows you to dream. I am reminded that as a child I often found solace in the evening for exactly the same reason, and that I was able to temporarily escape many an uncomfortable feeling, if only briefly, through dreams and the generosity of the night.