Part 8 Becoming one with the chemo room and observations about nurses


Sitting in the treatment room, I observe that the tone is generally quiet, occasionally even upbeat. A lady sitting behind me, though, is having a not so good morning, complaining about something. I think about how I could best function in this mess. I could be a light, not only improving my mood, but elevating the emotions of others. It matters to more than just me.


Anna is an older, gray haired, no nonsense nurse. All business. She has been in this facility for nine years. She knows her stuff and she pulls no punches. She tells me in no uncertain terms that all of my hair will fall out, and once it starts, it will go rapidly. Abe is a feisty male Hispanic nurse, upbeat and energetic with a sense of humor. I ask him if the overnight drip bag issued to me will ease the effects of the meds. He replies, “it’s like if I give you a bottle of Jack Daniels and tell you to drink it all right now – it will mess you up. Better if you drink shot after shot over time…” There is another female nurse who appears to be a combination of knowledge and tact, with a positive mood (always appreciate one of those around). Then there is a “babe” nurse who is quiet, serious, and smiles occasionally. I wonder, “is she a good nurse? The way she looks, does it matter, as long as there are a few skilled ones around?” I ask each of them, “are you sure this is my medicine, not someone else’s?” Obsessive, maybe. Safe? For sure.

…and HGTV goes on…



Part 9 Living in the present moment/ when to get sick/ my greatest challenge


Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk and author of many books. He is a wonderful human being who should be president of the world. He endorses the concept that we only have the present moment in which to live. We squander our lives obsessing about yesterday and tomorrow when we only have today. He encourages simply breathing in and then out, meditating on our thoughts. He encourages filling our bodies with positive substances and thoughts. I find that his teachings have much in common with the Christian doctrine. I am concentrating on making the best of this moment no matter what.


If you must get sick, don’t do it crossing from the end of one calendar year into the beginning of the new year. Not only does it really bring the holidays down, but when the new year arrives, you have to fill out all new paperwork for everyone! (I observe that you also do not have the luxury of your insurance company picking up the entire tab; it is now your dime for awhile). It’s funny that in an age where we worry that anyone can access our personal information we have to complete hundreds of forms that give permission to give this information to everyone in the universe! I discover my greatest challenge in life – embracing beaurocracy!



Part 10 Treatment options/Lose weight fast!


Writing my thoughts and observations during this period is gratifying. It helps me focus on something positive in order to hopefully have something to share with others later. Besides, I find that time races by when I write – reason enough. I am told to minimize my exercising for the next few days, which, my being an exercise fanatic, will cramp my style. I glance at an ad on TV. Carbonite, a computer backup system for $55, “because your life is on your computer”. If only I had a backup system for my physical life for only $55! I practice a mantra, saying that God has already healed me and is protecting me. A lady with a positive pet scan walks in, remarking, “things are looking up” and challenging Abe. “Are you ready for a round? Come on, let’s wrestle!” I am given more papers with the heading “treatment options”. As you see this term you feel inundated with pages of papers to sign warning you of all the possible side effects. I want to believe that I am getting the best treatment plan, but I am dizzy trying to wrap my mind around all this when I simply want this intruder out of my body as soon as possible. Another TV ad about how to lose 30 pounds fast without changing your diet! (Call now for a free trial!). A patient walks by with a Daytona Beach t-shirt – Becah says when all this is over we will run to Florida to celebrate with a week at the beach.

The cost of changing the packs going into my IV… steroids, antinausea medicines, then comes the real item. I wonder when the nurses come around. Should they tell me everything, or just administer meds business as usual. How many side effects are psychosomatic? Breathe in, breathe out… I complain to Abe, “just because they think I’m in good health doesn’t mean they have to hit me so hard with all this stuff”. An older man comes in with the pain in his mouth. Is his a case similar to mine? He seems to be dealing with all this alright. By lunch time, all the seats that day are full, causing me some distress at losing my privacy and some semblance of quiet. HGTV touts a show called “Property Virgins”, about first time home buyers. I realize that I am a novice to the chemo room, also a virgin. Abe is kidding a man who is sitting in another man’s “reserved” seat (“and he’s a boxer…you gonna take him on?”) It feels strange to kid around in here, but I really have no blueprint for etiquette in this place. I must experiment, and hold on to what feels right. None of this is a joke, but you must remove the intruder’s power. I will need to make this my daily job.